18 September 2012

Movies! Why not?

I can be a film critic. Every idiot with an opinion can be a film critic. And most film critics are idiots. There are some interesting questions that arise from this.
        Q: Mario, are there really movies in Bulgaria?
        A: Yes, you ignorant racist!

But it is a valid question. Bulgaria is a small village in the little known province of Europe. So services like hulu and Netflix aren't available, maybe the Amazon video service works but it is too American for my taste. What I have is cable, and on it I have HBO. I'm paying for ti. So if I am paying  for HBO does that mean I can legally download any movie that is in the HBO library? And if the options are watch the movie for free or don't watch the movie at all, is me watching the movie illegally really costing the industry money. Money they are not going to get in any way shape or form, and that is just because the movie industry has decided to go to war with the internet instead of working with it and within it. And to add insult to injury, they are basically shoving shit down our throats.

Lets take a quick look at what we have been watching.

Another Batman. I have not seen the new Batman and that is because I am not suffering from brain damage. For the same reason I am not going to watch the new Spider-Man. Hollywood can't pay ME enough money to waste 2 hrs. of my life for X-men or Avengers. And this leads me to the conclusion that movies are actually watched out of habit or social coercion. As if we all have a compulsion to waste our time with this shit.

So what have we been missing.

I just don't have people in my social circle that share my views on the arts. So nobody I know has watched the Watchmen. A piece of art, if you see it in a store or on the web treat yourself. It is a movie about superheroes and life in general. It is a provoking alternative of the US's recent past. It is like a skewed reflection of the cold war told through the individual stories of superheroes. Each one unique and each with an underlying philosophical issue. Void of answers but full of the meaningful questions. What is the value of life, what is the value of civilization, what is happiness. It isn't a battle between good and evil but more an attempt to discern what is actually good and what is evil.

Of course as a geek, I can't not have some sort of Sci-Fi fetish. Some idiots like Star Trek and some Star Wars. Star Trek is like a sitcom. Sitcom is short for situation comedy so Star Trek is sitspastu for situation space stuff (I can feel Americans crying, and I like it). Star Wars is The Lord of The Rings in space. I wouldn't put neither of them in the Sci-Fi section. If it should be science based fiction then there is only one way to go.

The Alien universe is the only one that can easily be believable. There is nothing in Alien that requires assumptions about the future of science. There is only the stretch of faster than light travel, but it is constructed in a restrictive scheme that pays it's respects to the vastness of space. Representing space exploration as a dangerous endeavor. From the three Sci-Fi camps only Alien manages to present space realistically and gives it it's own part to play. On the other hand the struggle in Alien is infused with a futility that makes it horrific. Unfortunately Alien: Resurrection was crap, and we have been presented with one stupid film after another trying to exploit the original idea. I also like the concept of Alien V Predator but there just hasn't been a good movie to give life to that idea.

And that leads me neatly to the next point. Prometheus! Yeah. I watched it 4 times and let me tell you, I hated it the first time and I hate it even more every time. The idea that I was almost convinced by a retarded friend of mine to go and pay money to see this piece of crap. Visually the movie is spectacular and they have managed to catch the feeling of the first Alien movie. And then they inserted a fits anywhere script into it. If you have played metal gear on the original PlayStation and then you play Sons Of Liberty on the PS2, you will see how Prometheus relates to Alien. This worked beautifully for Hideo Kojima and it blew up in the face of Ridley Scott. Another thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the "I chose to believe!". Alien has a godless unforgiving reality feel to it. Prometheus has a creationism religious undertone that neither provokes thought about the real world nor relates to it. I realize it is supposed to be fiction but it shouldn't actually be fantasy.

I love Resident Evil. Resident Evil is a rare piece of art that the industry can be proud of. But I am talking about the game. The movie on the other hand I watch whenever I want to feel like somebody is spitting in my face. The people that produce this garbage have earned the hatred of everybody that has grown up with the Resident Evil games. They could have just gone with the scripts from the games. It would have been perfect. But nooo. If the movies were release by a different tittle like "zombie mutant BS" and the umbrella corporations was called "zombietron", nobody would have connected the dots between the game and the movie. It would have been just another mediocre  superhero fiction.

One of the last movies I watched at the cinema was Troy. Towards the end of the movie the girl I was with told me that this is just like the Trojan Horse. Then I turned to her and said "I don't want you to be the mother of my children!", which was harsh but fair! It was a nice movie. I like movies that tell a good story, I like the move 300! After watching the movie I was hooked about the historical background. If you do some reading you will see that the cartoonish depiction of the events, although not doing justice to the historical facts does in a awesome way represent the essence of the event.

I would love to write a bit about Heat and Fight Club. But I'm not sure I can do justice to either of them. If you have not watched Heat or Fight Club, do not delay it any longer. Heat you will love. And if you don't like Fight Club than you didn't understand it, because you are a girl or stupid.


  1. Interesting however I strongly disagree with the "Resident Evil is a rare piece of art that the industry can be proud of" part.

    1. I am probably biased because Resident Evil (the first game) was one of the first games I ever had on the PlayStation, and I was very young so it made a deep impression on me!


Keep it to the point and not too rude!!!