26 February 2017

Syberia Explained

My dog is afraid of me and my family is worried about me. You think it could be fun to go down memory lane with something classic you vaguely remember having fun with in the past. But then you put a sock ball in your mouth to bite down on and muffle the sound of your own cries. But, enough about masturbation.

This game really pissed me off. It induces a mix of impotent rage and sexism. The complete lack of violence and jerkaround solutions to simple problems make you feel like you are stuck in an abusive relationship, but you are the abuser. Kate Walker needs to be shaken and slapped, punched and kicked in an elevator security video. Her inability to deal with her own shit like an adult person makes her easily hateable. That stupid fat ugly cow Anita Sarkeesian has been wasting her time going after GTA and Hitman. Somebody should call her and tell her we found the sexism, it is here. And it is real. By the middle of the game you want to set Kate Walker on fire. By the end you want to kill her mother her filthy slut friend and the old annoying communist opera... I just hate women now. The next time something is too heavy to lift or high to reach somebody is getting their hair pulled and face punched. This game should be banned, but before the fascist impeach Trump and start the book burning, you should check it out.


Get the game from GOG.com @ https://www.gog.com/game/syberia
"About: Kate Walker, a young ambitious lawyer from New York, is handed what seems to be a fairly straightforward assignment. Just a quick stopover to handle the sale of an old automaton factory hidden in the alpine valleys, then straight back home to New York. Little did she imagine, when embarking on this task, that her life would be turned upside down."

25 February 2017

"On The House" a.k.a. "See, we are better than Hitler"

Yeah right. Better than Hitler. Better than Hitler at inciting hatred. Electronic Arts is one of the worst games companies in the universe. I imagine we can become part of the intergalactic community and their entertainment industries will not have enough "suck" to get EA out of the bottom three. We need to study the effects of EA on cancer rates in the general population, cancer and brain aneurysm are almost certainly caused by the existence of the abomination that EA is.

2 MUCH?

Maybe somewhere on the internet there is a before and after EA acquisition comparison of intellectual property, but if there isn't I'm 2 lazy to do one myself. Instead I just want to rail them in a few words.

Hey, a good game with the "EA" logo.
The past is weird huh.
The games are shit. Everywhere you look shit. The new simcity is shit compared to the old. The new sims is shit compared to the old. Battlefield is just dead to me. Mirror's Edge , same story. Dead Space was the only good Dead Space game, everything else was wank. MASS EFFECT Andromeda looks like a cartoonish jump and run spectacle fighter Final Fantasy 15 ripoff. They just pump out shittier and shittier games at higher and higher prices and you D holes keep buying them.

Watch_Dogs® 2 is 60 €, in Bulgaria it's 2 days of work to make the money to buy this shit. Not worth it. The "Deluxe" edition is 70 and the gold edition is 100. The deluxe edition has theme packs that just shit up the visual presentation of the game. And the gold edition is just a promise that there will be something more and that whatever it is it will be worth 40 euros. Sorry but the game itself isn't worth that much. I remember growing up a boxed copy of a playstation game was ~50 €. This is digital, there is no excuse for it to be more expensive than a box copy.

Not only are they overcharging for this shit but you can't even own the shit you pay them for. If their servers can't verify your ownership of a game, the game locks up and you can go choke on it. Steam is guilty of the same shit. GOG.com is the only digital distribution service that sells games because the games are not locked to a web service that may or may not exist in a few years.

Thank you for MASS EFFECT 2 and Jade Empire, but that doesn't make good on your overpriced shit rental scam.